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Post by Bokusenou on Jan 24, 2014 21:57:36 GMT
In this thread we'll be reading short stories by 乙一(otsuichi), who is one of my favorite authors for short stories. Although perhaps best known for his horror stories, he also did a bunch of short stories originally for young adults involving magical realism, which I prefer over his horror stories. All of these are around 50 pages or so. We will start with 「 きみにしか聞こえない CALLING YOU」. A story exploring what happens when a high school girl finds a cellphone which only she can see. I would probably put it as intermediate level if you use rikai-chan/kun/sama to read the kanji, and lower-advanced level if not. The text version I'm using is from the YA edition, while the photos are from the later published edition meant for adults, so the text version has more furigana, and has slight differences, but stick with the text version when translating to make things easier. Instructions:Translate at least one sentence from the book, and the next person to post translates the sentence after. You can write constructive comments about other sentences if you like. Also, if you are really stuck on a sentence, try the best you can, and leave a note saying what part gave you trouble. Current Page: 5th page (Book page: 10) Text Version: 授業が終わるともう学校に用がない。わたしは一人、ポケットに両手を突っ込んだまま、目をふせておうちへ帰る。 途中《とちゅう》、電器屋に立ち寄ると、携帯電話のチラシを数枚、手に入れた。バスに揺《ゆ》られながらぼんやりそれを眺《なが》める。最新機種の説明を読み、「へー、便利な機能が色々ついているんだな」というようなことを延々と考えていると、いつの間にか降りなくてはいけないバス停に到着《とうちゃく》している。 両親が帰ってくるのはいつも遅《おそ》い時間だったし、わたしは一人っ子なので、玄関《げんかん》を開けても家にはだれもいない。 自室へ行き、机の上にチラシを置く。両手に顎《あご》を載《の》せてそれを眺めながら、図書館でそうしたように、頭の中に自分だけの携帯電話をイメージしてみる。 できるだけリアルに、まるですぐそこにあると思えるほど強く思い描《えが》く。本物がそうであるように、想像の中の小さな通信機器にも、液晶《えきしょう》の画面に時計がついている。そこはグリーンのランプで光るから、きっと暗いところでも大丈夫《だいじょうぶ》だ。着信のメロディーには、好きな映画の音楽が流れるようにしよう。『バグダッド・カフェ』という映画に使われていた、綺麗《きれい》な曲がいい。美しい和音で、わたしを呼んでくれる。 母がパートから帰ってくる音で、ようやく現実の世界に引き戻《もど》された。知らないうちに二時間がすぎていた。 授業中も、食事中も、わたしは頭の中に理想の携帯電話を想像して遊んだ。白い色の、美しい流線形のボディーは、まるで陶器《とうき》のようになめらかだ。
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Post by Bokusenou on Jan 24, 2014 22:00:34 GMT
I'll start things off:
わたしはおそらくこの高校で唯一《ゆいいつ》の、携帯《けいたい》電話を持っていない女子高生だ。 I'm probably the only girl in this high school who doesn't have a cellphone.
NEXT LINE: その上、カラオケにも行かないし、プリクラを撮《と》ったこともない。
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Post by 魔 on Jan 24, 2014 23:11:26 GMT
その上、カラオケにも行かないし、プリクラを撮《と》ったこともない。 Neither do I go to karaoke, and have never had a purikura photo taken.
NEXT LINE:今時こんな人間は珍《めずら》しいと、自分でも思う。
(I didn't notice the first line had been, but it's nice to know my translation would have been right "I might be the only girl at this high school who doesn't have a cell phone.") (I'm not sure how to translate プリクラ)
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Post by Bokusenou on Jan 25, 2014 1:33:30 GMT
魔 Yeah, I think "purikura photo" is fine. 今時こんな人間は珍《めずら》しいと、自分でも思う。 Even I think finding someone like this is rare nowadays. NEXT LINE: 校則では禁止されているけれど、携帯電話なんてだれでも持っている。
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Post by Jembru on Jan 25, 2014 9:40:51 GMT
Oh cool my parallel text book has a story by 乙一! It's むかし夕日の公園で, so maybe best not to share that one or my translations will be kanpekiperfect. It's nice to have a slightly easier text (I can't believe how long my last translation took in the touda story ^^). I deliberately haven't read ahead, but I already feel drawn into this story from these few lines. I might have to invest in a book of his work! 校則では禁止されているけれど、携帯電話なんてだれでも持っている。 Although they're banned in schools, everyone has a cellphone these days. NEXT LINE: 正直なところ、教室でクラスメイトがちらつかせるたびに、平静でいられなくなる。
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Post by 魔 on Jan 25, 2014 20:01:43 GMT
正直なところ、教室でクラスメイトがちらつかせるたびに、平静でいられなくなる。 Honestly, I get annoyed whenever I see a classmate with one during class.
NEXT LINE: 教室に着信のメロディーが流れるたびに、取り残された気分になる。
(難しい...。This one mainly - ちらつかせる)
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Post by Bokusenou on Jan 25, 2014 21:24:53 GMT
JembruReally? OK, thanks for the heads up! Yeah, I like how his prose draws you into his stories so easily. 魔 You did great! ちらつかせる tripped me up too the first time I read this. (A few years ago, a couple months before I passed N2) It just means "to show off [something]". 教室に着信のメロディーが流れるたびに、取り残された気分になる。 Whenever I hear someone's ringtone melody play in the classroom, I feel left out. NEXT LINE: みんながあの小さな通信機器に話しかけているのを見ると、あらためてわたしには友人がいないのだと気付く。
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Post by Jembru on Jan 26, 2014 1:32:22 GMT
Yeah I second that, that was a good translation Demonhead! I'd have translated it as like, 'when I get a glipse of...'. I didn't know it meant 'to show off'. It seems I've picked up the wrong nuance.
Hey Bokusenou, it's hard to tell from your translation because you went for a literal translation, so I'm very sorry if I'm teaching my granny to suck eggs here. Just in case though (and maybe for the benefit of others), do you know that in this case 流れる just translates as 'to be playing?' when it appears with music like this? It's just the verb that happens to pair with music. I'm only sharing this because I didn't know until before Christmas, when someone commented the Christmas songs are being played in every shop. I was so excited that I checked it out online when I got home then wrote it in my grammar notes! She was sort of complaining, and the situation was casual, so it definitely wasn't meant poetically.
みんながあの小さな通信機器に話しかけているのを見ると、あらためてわたしには友人がいないのだと気付く。 When I see people talking on those little devices, it reminds me that I have no friends.
NEXT LINE: 教室のみんなは携帯電話を通じて網《あみ》の目のようにつながっているけど、そこにわたしは含《ふく》まれていない。
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Post by Bokusenou on Jan 26, 2014 1:41:41 GMT
Jembru Ah, right! Thanks! I knew there was a word for that which didn't come to mind. Sometimes when I'm in "Japanese mode" It's hard to remember some English words...
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Post by Jembru on Jan 26, 2014 3:14:39 GMT
Jembru Ah, right! Thanks! I knew there was a word for that which didn't come to mind. Sometimes when I'm in "Japanese mode" It's hard to remember some English words... Yeah, I never thought it might also be that you forgot to word it differently in English! Now and then, I'll do things like that.. try to use Japanese expressions in my English. It's more common when I translate though, because I'm just not thinking. Still, I guess it's worth us discussing these details now and then, so people reading the thread can pick up a few interesting details about the language. I'm worse for wording things in Japanese as I would in English though. Even when I should know better, I can forget when I'm speaking. I'd say over 50% of my grammar goes out the window when I speak though.
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Post by Bokusenou on Jan 26, 2014 4:52:06 GMT
Jembru Yeah, sometimes stuff like that happens, and I'll only remember the word I wanted to use again after I speak English for a while...I have a lot of respect for interpreters. Stuff like that must be worse among people who switch languages constantly.
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Post by MidoriAbby on Jan 26, 2014 23:32:09 GMT
Ooh, I think I'll jump in, this looks fun!
教室のみんなは携帯電話を通じて網《あみ》の目のようにつながっているけど、そこにわたしは含《ふく》まれていない。 Everyone in the classroom is connected like a network by the cellphones, but in the midst of that I am not included.
(not sure if this sounds natural as 網の目 translated to "mesh net" but I said it as "network" in this case, also 含まれる is a rather new word to me, so if it seems unnatural please correct me)
NEXT LINE: みんなが手をつないで楽しそうに笑っているのに、自分だけ輪の外で小石でも蹴《け》っている気分だ。
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Post by Jembru on Jan 27, 2014 0:12:49 GMT
@midori: No, you were right to change it. I think the skill of a good translator is not in how much Japanese they know (anyone can use a dictionary or grammar guide), but in being able to word the English in a way that would sound natural while still carrying the author's original meaning. I did the same thing when I translated 通信機器 as 'devices', because I thought translating it more literally would sound dumb in English. Again, below, I didn't say 'as though having fun', because that is just the grammar Japanese use to speak about the feelings of others. In English, we don't have to say, 'seems as though' if we don't want to, so I chose not to, as the fact they're laughing makes it pretty certain they're happy.
みんなが手をつないで楽しそうに笑っているのに、自分だけ輪の外で小石でも蹴《け》っている気分だ。 I feel as though I'm the only one out of the loop, just kicking pebbles while everyone is holding hands and laughing merrily.
Next Line: わたしだって、本当はみんなのように携帯電話を持ちたい
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Post by MidoriAbby on Jan 27, 2014 13:39:23 GMT
Jembru thanks! わたしだって、本当はみんなのように携帯電話を持ちたい In reality, even I want to have a cell phone like everyone else. Next line: でも、話をしてくれる人がいない。
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Post by Jembru on Jan 27, 2014 20:18:47 GMT
でも、話をしてくれる人がいない。 But there's no one who would talk to me.
NEXT LINE: 持たないようにしているのはそのためだ。
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