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Post by Bokusenou on May 17, 2014 23:27:42 GMT
LOL, I know Erin's mom's name is Soyon, not sure about her grandfather, but yeah, it is kind of annoying...
祖父は、苛立たしげに拳《こぶし》を握《にぎ》りしめた。 「覚悟か! ソヨン。わしも覚悟せねばならんな! Erin's grandfather gripped his fists anxiously. "You're prepared? Soyon. I've got to prepare for this too!
Next Line: 闘蛇衆《とうだしゅう》の頭領として、おまえの義父《ちち》として、さぞ監察官に厳《きび》しく問われることだろう。
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Post by chocopie on May 19, 2014 13:14:13 GMT
闘蛇衆の頭領として、おまえの義父として、さぞ監察官に厳しく問われることだろう。 As the head of the Touda Folk and as your father-in-law, I'm certain I'll be questioned severely by the inspector.
Next line: なぜ、霧の民《アーリョ》のおまえを、大公《アルハン》の宝たる〈牙〉の世話係にしていたのかと」 祖父の声は、怒《いか》りにふるえていた。
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Post by Bokusenou on May 25, 2014 22:47:28 GMT
なぜ、霧の民《アーリョ》のおまえを、大公《アルハン》の宝たる〈牙〉の世話係にしていたのかと」 祖父の声は、怒《いか》りにふるえていた。 "He'll ask, 'Why did you let a Person of the Mist(Ahryo) take care of the Grand Duke(Aruhan)'s treasured Kiba?'" Erin's grandfather shook in anger.
Not sure if I should change "r"s to "l"s, and try to English-fy the names to make them sound more fantasy-like. I'm not sure how to romanize the names for things in general..."Ahryo"?"Arryo"? "Aruhan"? "Alhan"? Hmm...
Next Line: 「アッソンの遺言《ゆいごん》さえなければ……アッソンの子を孕《はら》んでおらねば……」
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Post by chocopie on May 27, 2014 14:42:41 GMT
「アッソンの遺言さえなければ……アッソンの子を孕んでおらねば……」 "If only we didn't have Assohn's will... If she hadn't been carrying Assohn's child..." (Have I interpreted this correctly? That the grandfather is still imagining what the inspector will say? I got confused at first, but then I realised it made sense if Assohn was Erin's father.)
口の中でつぶやいてから、祖父は首をふった。 After whispering this to himself, Erin's grandfather shook his head.
Next lines: 「いや、それだけではない。たしかに、おまえの獣《けもの》ノ医術《いじゅつ》の腕《うで》は卓越《たくえつ》している。だから、皆《みな》の反対を押《お》しきって、わしは息子《むすこ》の遺志《いし》を叶《かな》えたのだ。だが、こんなことになるとは……」
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Post by Bokusenou on May 28, 2014 1:31:56 GMT
Hmm, it could be that too, but I read it as he switched back to addressing Soyon there, so maybe something like "If you hadn't carried Assohn's child..."? I don't know, keeping the present tense from the original could be confusing when Erin's already been born. Oh, and yeah Assohn is Erin's dead father. There is a character list at the beginning of the book, but it contains some spoilers so I didn't put it in the thread.
Here's the character description for him: Assohn: Erin's father, who died when she was little. Son of the head of the Touda-folk.
「いや、それだけではない。たしかに、おまえの獣《けもの》ノ医術《いじゅつ》の腕《うで》は卓越《たくえつ》している。だから、皆《みな》の反対を押《お》しきって、わしは息子《むすこ》の遺志《いし》を叶《かな》えたのだ。だが、こんなことになるとは……」 "No, it's not just that. You were certainly very skilled in the veterinary arts. That's why, in spite of everyone's opposition, I granted my son's dying wish. Yet, things had to turn out like this..."
Can anyone think of a less stupid-sounding way to translate 獣ノ医術?
Next Line: 吐《は》き捨《す》てるようにそう言うと、祖父は母に背を向けて、岩房《がんぼう》から出ていった。
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Post by Jembru on Aug 7, 2014 17:48:00 GMT
Okay I'm finally all caught up and ready to go. Actually, the story hasn't moved on as much as I previously thought, although it's taken quite a dark twist. I'm genuinely concerned about what will happen to Soyon. Also super duper excited to learn some more Japanese with you guys!
Hmm, I think 獣医術 can simply mean veterinary medicine right? Well, I'm guessing because I learnt 獣医さん (juui-san, vet) when Dolly was a kitten and for some reason added it as a reading card on anki. So while it's not very fantasy-like, I guess 'skilled in veterinary medicine' or 'skilled in the veterinary arts' would be acceptable if you preferred it?
吐《は》き捨《す》てるようにそう言うと、祖父は母に背を向けて、岩房《がんぼう》から出ていった。 With those harsh words Erin's grandfather turned his back to her mother and left the chamber.
I'd have actually liked to have blended this translation with the previous line so I could have added '.. Erin's grandfather spat as he turned his...' directly after the quote. I'm excited that the Japanese can use 'spitting' as a metaphor for saying something aggressively too, but I couldn't think of a way to translate that without it being awkward. Adding next 2 lines due to shortness.
Next Line(s): エリンは、しゃがみこんだ。膝《ひざ》がふるえて、立っていられなかったのだ。
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Post by Bokusenou on Aug 10, 2014 22:11:07 GMT
Jembru Glad you're caught up! Yeah, this series can get surprisingly dark. I watched the anime a few months ago to refresh my memory on the first volume, and give me a summary of the second. I'm guessing the anime's target audience was younger than the books' one, because they toned down a lot of the dark parts & generally made it more child-friendly.. Great suggestion about 獣医術! I edited the sentence. エリンは、しゃがみこんだ。膝《ひざ》がふるえて、立っていられなかったのだ。 Erin crouched down. Her knees shook, and she became unable to stand. Next Lines: 「おかあさん……おかあさん……」 ささやくと、母が顔をあげた。しばらく、虚《うつ》ろな表情でエリンを見ていたが、やがて、その目に、すこし生気がもどってきた。母は、かすかに微笑《ほほえ》んだ。 The first two are kind of short, so I added the third one.
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Post by chocopie on Aug 11, 2014 14:34:59 GMT
It's good to get back to this!
「おかあさん……おかあさん……」 ささやくと、母が顔をあげた。しばらく、虚《うつ》ろな表情でエリンを見ていたが、やがて、その目に、すこし生気がもどってきた。母は、かすかに微笑《ほほえ》んだ。 "Mother...mother..." Erin whispered and her mother raised her head. She looked at Erin with a vacant expression, but at last some life returned to her eyes. Erin's mother smiled faintly.
Next lines: 「大丈夫《だいじょうぶ》よ」 「でも、大罪《たいざい》だって……」 「大丈夫」 母は、硬直《こうちょく》した闘蛇《とうだ》の身体《からだ》を、そっとなでた。
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Post by Jembru on Aug 11, 2014 18:44:18 GMT
Yeah, it's great to be getting back to this after my little break. I'd never manage a novel like this on my own, but breaking it down like this, and being able to discuss the trickier parts of the text, makes it easier to handle and will hopefully prepare me for when I finally do start reading novels.
Wow, I've been stumped by 大丈夫. Without having the tone of voice to go by, her mum could be saying 'I'm fine' but my instincts want me to go with...
「大丈夫《だいじょうぶ》よ」 「でも、大罪《たいざい》だって……」 「大丈夫」 母は、硬直《こうちょく》した闘蛇《とうだ》の身体《からだ》を、そっとなでた。 'It's going to be okay!' 'But mum, this is a serious crime..' 'It will be okay'. Her mum gently stroked the stiffened body of the touda'.
Next Line: 「──お祖父《じい》さまは、あんなふうにおっしゃったけれど、お祖父さまの父親の代のときも、同じように〈牙《きば》〉がすべて死んでしまったことがあるのよ。
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Post by chocopie on Aug 14, 2014 11:55:04 GMT
「──お祖父さまは、あんなふうにおっしゃったけれど、お祖父さまの父親の代のときも、同じように〈牙《きば》〉がすべて死んでしまったことがあるのよ。
"I know what your grandfather said, but in his father's day there was also a time when all the Kiba died.
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Post by Bokusenou on Aug 16, 2014 1:10:28 GMT
Added new pages. I'm a little tired now, so I'll save the next one for the next person. Jembru Yeah, that's what I would go with too. Little Erin might be on the verge of crying... Next line: 母は、水の冷たささえ感じていないように、ただ、じっと闘蛇《とうだ》を見つめていた。
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Post by chocopie on Aug 18, 2014 16:21:13 GMT
母は、水の冷たささえ感じていないように、ただ、じっと闘蛇《とうだ》を見つめていた。 Erin's mother didn't even seem to feel the cold, she just gazed fixedly at the Touda.
Next line: 母の目に浮《う》かんでいるのは哀《かな》しみの色だけではなかった。なにかをこらえているような、苦悩《くのう》の色があった。
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Post by Jembru on Aug 21, 2014 16:31:16 GMT
母の目に浮《う》かんでいるのは哀《かな》しみの色だけではなかった。なにかをこらえているような、苦悩《くのう》の色があった。
It wasn't just sorrow that seemed to show in her mothers eyes, there was also a look of distress, as though she was keeping something to herself.
Next Line: 奥《おく》の岩房《がんぼう》のほうから岩を伝わって虚《うつ》ろに響《ひび》いてくる、なにを言っているのかもわからない闘蛇衆の声を聞きながら、エリンは長いこと、母と、死んだ闘蛇たちを見つめていた。
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Post by Bokusenou on Sept 9, 2014 23:54:23 GMT
奥《おく》の岩房《がんぼう》のほうから岩を伝わって虚《うつ》ろに響《ひび》いてくる、なにを言っているのかもわからない闘蛇衆の声を聞きながら、エリンは長いこと、母と、死んだ闘蛇たちを見つめていた。
Erin gazed at her mother and the dead touda for a long time, as she listened to the indistinct voices of the touda-folk being carried from deep inside the rock chamber.
Next Line: 岩壁《がんぺき》を穿《うが》って差《さ》しこまれている松明《たいまつ》の炎《ほのお》に、無数の羽虫が寄《よ》り集まって舞《ま》い飛《と》んでいる。
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Post by chocopie on Sept 10, 2014 12:35:54 GMT
岩壁を穿って差しこまれている松明の炎に、無数の羽虫が寄り集まって舞い飛んでいる。 Countless flies were drawn to and buzzed around the flames of the torches that were driven into the rock wall.
Next line: その羽虫は、闘蛇にもたくさんまとわりついていた。それを見ているうちに、ふっと、エリンはつぶやいた。
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