Moving Away/Leaving Friends

[Princess]

So we've all done this to a degree in life, some more than others...I'm moving to Japan in May and my husband will be joining me end of June. This has been a childhood dream of mine come true and in the last few years I've gotten really close to a couple of my friends since I moved closer to them. We've been through a lot, personality differences, ups and downs, and we've learned that a trio of friends is a lot harder to keep steady than just two friends (at least in our case).

Point being, we're close now. We're also all pretty into astrology, and this one particular friend being extremely good at it and she knows me very well. She knows I'm a Sagittarius and I was born to travel. We've talked about me leaving, she's gotten mad, I've gotten mad at her for getting mad, but I thought we got the bulk of it gone but she threw a fit again last night in an angry sarcastic way (which she knows makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable as a Sagittarius)

So I'm stuck here, trying to figure out whether I feel apologetic or angry. I understand she feels betrayed (because her friendship isn't enough to get me to stay) and I understand that, but she also knows how much this means to me, also how she'd do the same if she had the chance to move to the country of her dreams. 

I've begun getting ideas on how to maintain our friendship but I thought I'd make this friend for others to spill their feelings on leaving loved ones behind and how you coped.

Don't even get me started on my family, lol I love them but it's my mom's dream for all her 5 children and 4+ grandchildren to live under the same roof on a farm somewhere   not gonna happen mom 

[Jembru]

Your friends are going to grieve. We often forget that when we leave because we're so caught up in the excitement of it all. You may not be dying, but to your friends, you're going to be gone and if they're used to you always being there, it will feel like a massive hole has opened up in their life. They're going to experience grief.

Maybe try to reassure your friend that it isn't such a big world anymore. You'll be in touch as much as you're able and will still be her shoulder to cry on. Perhaps let her know that you understand how much of a loss it feels, and remind her that you're leaving a lot behind too, so will feel the same sense of loss.

The most important thing is not to blame your friend or feel angry with her, because she's going through a perfectly normal process. She wouldn't be finding it so hard if she didn't love you, so be sure to send her that same love back!

[LittleGaijin]

Jemma's right. Just let her calm down, and soon she'll understand that she has no choice but to let you go and live out your dreams. Just keep reassuring her that you'll stay in touch, and maybe prove it to her if you can. My best friend knows I'm really bad at the whole daily messaging thing, so I had to write her every day for a few months before I left to prove to her (and also get used to it...) that I would never ever even come close to falling out of touch with her. We also have a promise, one message a day no matter what, and skype on the weekends. It helps.

Just keep thinking about the dream, and just understand what your friends are going through. Don't blame them. Just give them time, but also make sure to spend as much time as possible with them. They're gonna miss you just as much as you'll miss them. So make sure you make a lot of nice memories together, maybe make a list of things to do together and take lots of pictures!

Unfortunately, it will be harder on them than it will be for you once you get here. They'll be living in the same place, seeing all the same things, but you won't be there anymore and they'll have to get used to that. My best friend still can't even drive through my old neighbourhood, or go into the second-hand bookshop we used to hang out in. But you'll be surrounded by excitement and new things and people. After a few months, when it all wears down, that's when it will hit you. I actually didn't even start to miss my family until I went and visited them in December for my break. When I came back, I missed them so much I would cry in the shower. But the students at TUJ say that's normal, and that they are "too busy to miss anyone." (I know how bad that sounds.) And now it's March, and I don't feel as desperate to visit my family again any time soon. Definitely not as much as I was when I was at the airport crying, saying goodbye.