Cultural differences (English edition)

[Jembru]

I started a thread yesterday in the Japanese only section, but as it's an interesting topic, I thought I'd start an English version of the same thread so everyone can join in. I'll start by basically saying the same as I said in the other thread (presumably with slightly better grammar, or so you would hope...). 

Something I found really interesting when I lived in Japan, was the things that were done differently to England, such as the different hand gestures we use to beckon someone.   


I've also frequently been surprised by people acting contrary to assumptions I had about what is done differently by Japanese people. For example, I heard that the Japanese don't like physical contact, and yet my closer Japanese friends will hug me when something exciting happens, or if JP or I say something sarcastic, we'll get a playful slap. I've had my shoulder laughed into on more than one occasion too. So I guess that while there are general rules, we're all individuals wherever we come from. This could also be another effect of the rapidly changing Japan.  

So, what cultural differences between Japan and your own country of origin, have you found interesting? 

[MidoriAbby]

Something I noticed recently re: Japanese culture and relationships:

So my boyfriend Sorin and I (I'm not sure I've talked about him yet, we met in June at Japanese camp and we've been dating since) go to this Japanese discussion group in my city which I've mentioned before. The people we've met there know we're dating, we've mentioned it, we talk about things going on in our lives, etcetera. All of my friends know about Sorin including my Japanese friends and his friends know about me. Our relationship is pretty public, like we're not obnoxiously PDA but people generally know about it.

Recently, two of my friends from group casually mentioned something about the two of them dating; to give you context we've been talking to them for a few months and the subject has never come up before, we assumed they were friends or close aqquaintances actually. I was surprised, and asked if they had only recently started dating. They said no, we've been together for two years. They went on to say that Japanese people don't talk much about their personal relationships even amongst friends. The girl of this couple and I are very good friends, yet it's never come up in small talk. I don't know about you, but my girl friends and I discuss our relationships all the time even if it's just something little like "oh I'm going on a date with so and so, what should I wear? Oh my gosh you two are so cute together" etc. I'll have conversations with them about things that are going well & not well in my relationship and they do the same with me as long as it isn't too personal. In general it's just something we talk about.

But my friend said a lot of Japanese people keep their relationships very private, and sometimes even your close friends don't know much about your relationship or even who you're dating, for a long period of time. Of course if the relationship is very serious it will be talked about/introduced, but I guess talking about your dating life isn't done as much. She often says "You do talk about Sorin a lot" even though it certainly isn't the major thing we discuss, and she hardly ever mentions her relationship. Once before I understood this, I asked another friend of mine if she and her significant other were doing okay, because she'd barely mentioned him in a month, and I was concerned that they were having issues. She laughed and told me she didn't understand why I thought something was wrong, and that everything was going just fine. I just think it's interesting. It probably depends on the friendship or the situation or the person because I've also had Japanese friends who tell me about who they have a crush on, who they're dating, etc. But I do think it is somewhat of a cultural difference. Relationships are more private.

[Jembru]

Hmm, I haven't noticed this so much with my friends, but you're probably right that it depends on their personalities too. Like my friend who slaps me! Maybe it's an age thing too? My Japanese friends are amongst my closest offline friends (I'm quite an introvert offline) and are around my age (okay, a little younger actually >.<). When we get together, it's pretty common for us to complain about our partners, or share details that really didn't need sharing.

Of course, it's worth considering that Japanese friends outside of Japan, are often living in English speaking countries because they are passionate about our culture. They've watched our sitcoms and dramas, listened to our music, watched our TV shows and are probably a bit more westernized than your average Japanese.

There's a Nissan factory in the North East, so the conversation group I run also gets people who are here for work, or because a family member was assigned here. I suppose these seem to be more 'typical' Japanese, but it's impossible to know if the difference is because my closer friends consider me to be in their 'in-group', or because they're more Westernized. It's very interesting.

[MidoriAbby]

Jembru

True, we are kind of looking at this through a lens of not living in Japan and interacting with Japanese people who aren't living surrounded by their native culture so that might make trying to draw arbitrary distinctions a little difficult. It is interesting though. I also think it definitely has to do with the closeness of the friendship as to what you talk about.

[Jembru]

Just stumbled on an interesting cultural difference while using my kanji workbook. Maybe you already knew this, but you know those tally marks we used in maths class, or that prisoners scratch into their cell wall to count the days? Well the Japanese write 正. It has 5 strokes so each complete character is 5 counts, just like a completed tally mark.

The only time I use tally marks to count, is when JP and I watch quizshows together and make it into a competition (usually Catchphrase). As we're counting correct answers, 正 seems like a fitting kanji to use!