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Post by chocopie on Feb 27, 2014 17:58:58 GMT
I'll add our translations here are we go along so we can see how it's looking as a whole and avoid retranslating repeated lines.
藤澤ノリマサ
桜の歌
今 僕らは 別々の道
歩いてゆく 新しい明日へと
Now we're setting off
on different paths to a new tomorrow
苦しくても 共に過ごした日と
この歌を ずっと忘れないで
Even if times are hard, never forget this song,
and the days we spent together.
咲き誇れ 桜よ 咲き誇れ 笑顔よ
果てしないこの道 夢へと続いてゆく
変わらない 想いよ 変わらない 仲間よ
迷うことなく ただまっすぐ信じつづけて
今 この時 さぁ 一歩踏み出そう
Bloom, cherry blossoms! Bloom, smiling faces!
As we travel on this endless road toward our dreams
Memories that won't change! Friends that won't change!
Without faltering, just keep on believing
Now, at this time, let's take a step forward
笑い合った 傷つけ合った
振り返れば いつも一緒だった
We laughed, we hurt
When we look back, we were always together.
出逢った日も 今日というこの日も
青空に 花びら舞い散って
On the day we met, on this day today
Petals were dancing in the blue sky
咲き誇れ 桜よ 咲き誇れ 笑顔よ
果てしないこの道 夢へと続いてゆく
変わらない 想いよ 変わらない 仲間よ
迷うことなく ただまっすぐ信じつづけて
今 この時 さぁ 一歩踏み出そう
Bloom, cherry blossoms! Bloom, smiling faces!
As we travel on this endless road toward our dreams
Memories that won't change! Friends that won't change!
Without faltering, just keep on believing
Now, at this time, let's take a step forward
旅立ちはそう さよならじゃないから
こぼれてゆく 涙を拭いたら
また逢う時には いつものあの笑顔で
This departure isn't goodbye
So lets wipe our tears
And when we meet again, we'll do so with a smile.
<咲き誇れ 桜よ 咲き誇れ 笑顔よ>
Bloom, cherry blossoms! Bloom, smiling faces!
咲き誇れ 桜よ 咲き誇れ 笑顔よ
果てしないこの道 夢へと続いてゆく
変わらない 想いよ 変わらない 仲間よ
迷うことなく ただまっすぐ信じつづけて
未来で夢を咲かせるため 一歩踏み出そう
Bloom, cherry blossoms! Bloom, smiling faces!
As we travel on this endless road toward our dreams
Memories that won't change! Friends that won't change!
Without faltering, just keep on believing
Now, at this time, let's take a step forward
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Post by chocopie on Feb 27, 2014 18:02:03 GMT
JembruI had a look for English lyrics but I couldn't find any so let's do it ourselves! It doesn't seem too abstract so I don't think it should be that difficult  今 僕らは 別々の道 歩いてゆく 新しい明日へと Now we're setting off on different paths to a new tomorrow
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Post by Jembru on Feb 27, 2014 21:13:45 GMT
Woah, you found the lyrics! This makes it even easier. Scanning through, it seems I had been catching the gist okay, but my understanding was a bit off at times. I might add what I had thought it meant from listening sometimes, just to compare it with what it means to me when I can see it written, and take more time to think about it. A battle of heart vs head.. who shall win? lol
I should maybe add that I've tried to translate songs before and I'm hopeless at capturing the poetry. Maybe when we are done with the literal translation, we could really push our linguistic skills and try to re-write an English version that captures the essence, yet fits the music? That's a skill I'd love to develop.
Okay so..
苦しくても 共に過ごした日と
この歌を ずっと忘れないで
Even if times are hard, never forget this song, and the days you we spent together.
This is what I thought it meant before seeing the lyrics. Seeing it written down, looks more like 苦しくても is modifying 共に過ごした日 though, so 'days spent together with friends, although tough'. I decided to go for my original gut translation this time though.
Thanks so much for starting this thread! I'm a bit busy at the moment, but I'll try to keep posting.
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Post by Bokusenou on Feb 27, 2014 23:31:27 GMT
Great thread idea chocopie! 咲き誇れ 桜よ 咲き誇れ 笑顔よ 果てしないこの道 夢へと続いてゆく Bloom, cherry blossoms! Bloom, smiling faces! As we travel on this endless road toward our dreams |
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Post by chocopie on Feb 28, 2014 10:40:04 GMT
変わらない 想いよ 変わらない 仲間よ
迷うことなく ただまっすぐ信じつづけて
今 この時 さぁ 一歩踏み出そう
Memories that won't change! Friends that won't change!
Without faltering, just keep on believing
Now, at this time, let's take a step forward
I think the first line sounds a bit bad but I can't think of an alternative at the moment. In fact the whole thing is a bit literally translated but oh well! I'll have another bash at it later.
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Post by Jembru on Feb 28, 2014 21:00:33 GMT
Don't worry, that's why I suggested we translate once literally, then again rewording the lines to flow better. I think the first draft of song translation always comes out a bit stiff. Maybe when we look at it with fresh eyes we'll think of something more poetic, 'unchanging memories, unchanging friends'.. or maybe change it altogether so that it is the sentiment that is captured, rather than the specific meaning; 'we'll be the same forever, together in our memories'. Like I say, that can all wait until later though.
Looks like we won't have to wait long either. We're almost done already!
笑い合った 傷つけ合った
(sometimes) we laughed, (sometimes) we hurt
振り返れば いつも一緒だった
(But) look when we look back, we were always together.
Sorry for the brackets. It's just to translate it more literally, it would have to be 'we laughed together, we hurt together' which sounds nice on its own, but with 'together' in the next line too, it was too much. You can take the brackets out when you update the original post if you like.
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Post by chocopie on Mar 1, 2014 21:23:14 GMT
出逢った日も 今日というこの日も On the day we met, on this day today 青空に 花びら舞い散って Petals were dancing in the blue sky I wasn't sure about tenses in the second line. I wanted to use past tense for "on the day we met" but present tense for "on this day today" although I guess past works ok for both. It's not fair that Japanese can just use te-form and ignore the tense  |
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Post by Jembru on Mar 5, 2014 21:27:27 GMT
Hey, I'd forgotten that you'd replied here Chocopie. It often happens that I check Gaiwa half asleep on my phone, then forget what I'd read. I should try to stop doing that.
So, last line then? Woah... then let me take us home...
旅立ちはそう さよならじゃないから
こぼれてゆく 涙を拭いたら
また逢う時には いつものあの笑顔で
This departure isn't goodbye
So lets wipe our tears
And when we meet again, we'll do so with a smile.
Yup, now we've translated, I still think this is a beautiful song. If I can find the time, I'd like to have a go at rewriting it with English lyrics, but it will have to wait until I can sit down and really think about it.
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Post by Jembru on Apr 30, 2016 11:52:22 GMT
Sorry to wake up an old fossil of a thread, but I am revisiting old translations I attempted, to see if I would translate differently based on what I know today. 苦しくても 共に過ごした日と この歌を ずっと忘れないで Even if times are hard, never forget this song, and the days you we spent together. This is what I thought it meant before seeing the lyrics. Seeing it written down, looks more like 苦しくても is modifying 共に過ごした日 though, so 'days spent together with friends, although tough'. I decided to go for my original gut translation this time though. Neither my first instinct nor my second guess was correct. I think 苦しくても was modifying the act of remembering the song and the times spent together. 'Even though it hurts, never forget this song and the days you spent together.' or 'Even though it's hard...' if you want a more natural but less literal translation. |
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