Reading Challenge 読解に挑戦しよう！ "Kemono no Souja" (Advanced)

[Bokusenou]

OK, everyone ready for a challenge?

Translate at least one sentence from the book, and the next person to post translates the sentence after. You can write constructive comments about other sentences if you like. Also, if you are really stuck on a sentence, try the best you can, and leave a note saying what part gave you trouble.

We are reading: 獣（けもの）の（そうじゃ）奏者 by 上橋 菜穂子 (うえはし なほこ)

獣の奏者 is a fantasy novel set in a world where people use dragons (called touda) as war beasts.

For help with any 獣の奏者 specific terms check out the great 獣の奏者 term dictionary found by chocopie!


Current Page: 16th page (Page 23) Current Page: 16th page (Page 23)


エリンと母は、いつも、ほかの闘蛇衆《とうだしゅう》や女衆たちが入ったあとの、仕舞《しま》い湯《ゆ》を使った。物心ついたときから、ずっとそうしていたから、いままでエリンは、そのことをとくになぜかと考えたこともなかった。けれど、今日は、人けのない温浴場で、母と二人、湯につかりながら、なぜ母は、人のいないときに湯に入ることにしているのか、それが気になってしかたがなかった。
　母と自分は、なんとなく、集落のほかの人たちとは隔《へだ》たりがある。
　面と向かってなにか言われたりしたことはないけれど、折に触《ふ》れて、心のどこかで感じとっていたことが、寄《よ》り集まって、ひとつの意味を成しはじめていた。

　たとえば、サジュの祖父母は、もっとサジュにやさしい。第一、ひとつ屋根の下で、いつも一緒《いっしょ》に暮《く》らしている。従兄弟《いとこ》やはとこたちも、頻繁《ひんぱん》に出入りしている。
　エリンは祖父母と暮らしたことはなかった。闘蛇衆の頭領《とうりょう》である祖父は、エリンにとっては、いつも、なんとなく怖《こわ》い人だった。祖母も、新年の祝いや祭りのときに挨拶《あいさつ》に行けば、祝いの餅《もち》を分《わ》けてくれたが、エリンにも母にも笑顔《えがお》を向けてくれたことはなかった。
　父の弟妹《きょうだい》である叔父《おじ》、叔母《おば》や、その子らも、あまり近しい存在《そんざい》ではない。彼らが祖父母と気楽《きらく》に話しているのを見るたびに、なぜ祖父母は、自分や母とは、あんなふうに話してくれないのだろうと思ったけれど、なんとなく、それは口にしてはいけないことのように思えて、これまで、母にさえ、尋《たず》ねなかった。

Next Page: 17th page (Page 24)


母は、集落《しゅうらく》の女たちの誰《だれ》よりも背が高い。
　母の顔かたち、瞳《ひとみ》の色が、集落の人々とずいぶん異《こと》なることに気づいたのは、いつだっただろうか。「エリンはお母さんと同じ緑色の瞳《ひとみ》をしているね。｜霧の民《アーリョ》はみんな、緑色の瞳をしているの？」と、サジュに言われたときだったかもしれない。

　サジュは、声を低めて、おそるおそるという感じで、訊《き》いてきたのだった。
「ね、ほんとうは、エリンも魔力《まりょく》を持っているの？　｜霧の民《アーリョ》と村人のあいだに子が生まれるなんて、ふつうは、ありえないことなんだって。そういう子は、｜魔がさした子《アクン・メ・チャイ》って言うんだって。エリンは、魔物《まもの》にさされたの？」
　そのとき、エリンは曖昧《あいまい》に微笑《ほほえ》んでみせただけで、答えなかった。なぜか、心を鈍《にぶ》くして、やりすごしたほうがいいと、とっさに感じたからだ。
　誰から教えられた知恵《ちえ》でもないけれど、なにも聞かず、知らないふりをして時を過《す》ごしていけば、母も自分も哀《かな》しまずにすむような気がしていた。

　山稜《さんりょう》を縁《ふち》どる夕焼け雲を見ながら、エリンは、そっと母の横顔を見上げた。
　おかあさんは、｜霧の民《アーリョ》だったの？　わたしのおとうさんは、どんな人だったの？　わたしは、｜魔がさした子《アクン・メ・チャイ》なの？　──喉《のど》もとまで、その問いが突《つ》きあげてきたけれど、声にはならなかった。

This thread is continued from the thread at the old forum, so please read the those posts below before posting, if you haven't already:

SPOILER: Click to show

Page 1
Page 2

[Bokusenou]

I'll kick things off again.

闘蛇の世話《せわ》をする母もまた、いつも、この匂いをまとっていた。
Erin's mother, who took care of the touda, was always clad in that scent.

[Jembru]

I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner. I saw you'd started this but forgot all about it. Okay, lets continue then...

Btw, I couldn't copy and paste. I don't know why, but whenever I tried to copy the line, as soon as I took my finger off the left mouse button, the spoiler tab closed and I was sent to the bottom of the screen.. I got annoyed and just re-wrote the line myself in another window. Sorry if there are any typos;

エリンにとっては、生まれたときから嗅ぎつづけている、母の匂いだった。
'As she'd smelt it ever since she was born, to Erin, this was the scent of her mother.'

[Bokusenou]

Oct 26, 2013 22:41:44 GMT Jembru said:

I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner. I saw you'd started this but forgot all about it. Okay, lets continue then...

Btw, I couldn't copy and paste. I don't know why, but whenever I tried to copy the line, as soon as I took my finger off the left mouse button, the spoiler tab closed and I was sent to the bottom of the screen.. I got annoyed and just re-wrote the line myself in another window. Sorry if there are any typos;

エリンにとっては、生まれたときから嗅 he gつづけている、母の匂いe。
'As she'd smelt it ever since she was born, to Erin, this was the scent of her mother.'

OK, thanks for letting me know! I got rid of the spoiler tags, and the first page since it's finished now, hopefully that should make things easier.

「……おかあさん、さっき、雷《かみなり》が鳴った？」
"...Mommy, was that thunder just now?"

Wasn't sure whether to use "Mommy" or "Mom" (or I guess it would be "Mummy" or "Mum" if I wasn't American), but from the first few episodes of the anime I saw, I remember Erin started out pretty little (I think she grows up during the course of the book), so I used the former.

[Jembru]

Thanks for the fix! We could maybe still include the spoiler bars with what we had translated on the old forum if you want, or do you think that doesn't really matter?

「遠雷《えんらい》よ。雷雲《かみなりぐも》は山向こうにあるから、心配しないで寝《ね》なさい」
　エリンは吐息《といき》をもらし、目を閉じた。
'It's distant thunder. The thunder clouds are way beyond the mountains, so please don't worry and go back to sleep.' Erin let out a deep sigh, and closed her eyes.

Sorry if I did too much. 'It's distant thunder' on its own felt like a bit of a cop-out, but I wasn't sure if I should stop at the end of the quote, or include the part where erin closed her eyes. In English they were seperate sentences, but I see the Japanese doesn't use a full stop (period, kuten, whatever) after the quote. Is this just the way they write in novels? So I may have just done 3 sentences in one go. I'm not sure. I had to look up the word 吐息. Cool word!

Oh btw, the friend I asked about that kitchen thing, has been asking how this is going, so it seems like she's more than happy to help us when we get stuck! I promise not to cheat though. I'll tell you when I've had to ask her something.

Okay, I'll let someone else have a go before I jump in again.

[Bokusenou]

Ah, thunder. I'm out of it...fixed my sentence.

I already had put screenshots of the old thread pages at the bottom, I can wrap them in spoiler tags though.
If you think in would be better in text format, feel free to edit the first post and add them. I'm feeling too lazy to do it now. XD

Yeah, go ahead do more than one sentence if you're feeling up for it, or if the one you have is too short or something. There's lots more pages where that one came from.
Not using a period/full stop is pretty common if it's just one sentence in quotes.
Authors can get pretty creative with quotes. Look at the quotes by the mother at the end of the page.
They just have a long line in front. I've read books where the main character's lines aren't in quotes, but all the other character's were.

That's great about the friend you asked about the kitchen thing! She might come in handy later if we're not sure about something.

母の白い手が、闘蛇《とうだ》の巨体《きょたい》をゆっくりと慎重《しんちょう》になでていくさまが、瞼《まぶた》の裏に浮《う》かんだ。
The image of the white hands of her mother, slowly and carefully petting the giant body of a touda, came to mind after she shut her eyes.

[Bokusenou]

I'll do another one since its been a while.

じっと闘蛇を見つめる、静かな母のまなざしが、エリンは大好きだった。
Erin loved her quiet mother's firm stare as she gazed at a touda.

[Jembru]

Hey thanks for waking this thread up. I'm sorry I somehow forgot about it. I absolutely love these translation threads. It's a great way to get used to written Japanese without having to sit down and study those styles from a textbook!

Okay what's next? Woah.. this is long >.< I think I'm going to need your help on this one Rin, but okay, I'll do my best...


母は、闘蛇のなかでも、常に先陣を駆け、敵陣を食い破る役目を担う最強の闘蛇──〈牙〉たちのお世話を任されている。
Of the touda, Erin's mother was entrusted with the care of (the?) 'Kiba', the strongest touda that headed the charge and tore into enemy lines.

Maan, that was tough! I'm possibly way off, but I did my best. Also, I don't really know military terms in English, so don't know if my translation sounds good or not.

-> Is 牙 meant to be a name? Actual fangs didn't make any sense at all, but I wasn't sure if Kiba was like a type of touda, or ranking? Otherwise, I don't know why 'tachi'. Maybe Kiba and the other most powerful touda?

-> I couldn't translate the full nuance of 食い破る. I could have said something awkward like, 'tear down with their teeth', but I thought with just 'tear' alone, you get the impression the touda would be using their teeth to do so.

-> I could have been a bit closer to the original and worded it, 'responsible for heading the charge...', but I thought 役目を担う was implied in the English wording.

-> Also, I couldn't think of a way to word the 闘蛇のなかでも part that sounded natural.

Well, that was fun, but really tough! There's going to be a lot of this kind of sentence, isn't there? ^^

I was thinking too, as there is quite a wall of text up there, it might encourage more people to join in if the person who's just translated, posts the next line for the next person to do?

NEXT LINE;

友達のサジュの父や、チョクの父だって、〈牙〉たちがいる岩房《がんぼう》は任《まか》せてもらえない。

Wait.. why couldn't I have had that one? No fair!!

[Bokusenou]

Jembru
You did great!
"Kiba" is a rank in this, though I though it was a name for a while when I first read it too.

Great idea about posting the next line!　Also, glad to see your Maruko-chan Reading Challenge thread is coming along. Can't wait until it's ready! The reading challenge threads were my favorite threads from the old forum.^^

OK, I'll do two sentences, to give the next person a shorter line.

友達のサジュの父や、チョクの父だって、〈牙〉たちがいる岩房《がんぼう》は任《まか》せてもらえ!。
The father's of Erin's friends, Saju and Choku, weren't entrusted with the care of the Kiba's cave.

闘蛇の世話役である闘蛇衆が、母の獣《けもの》ノ医術《いじゅつ》の腕《うで》をそれほどに高く買っているのだと思うと、エリンは誇《ほこ》らしさで胸がはちきれそうになる。
The touda-folk, the ones entrusted with the care of the touda, valued Mother's medicinal skills that highly, thought Erin, her heart bursting with pride.

The last one was kind of tricky...haven't seen 腕を買う in a while. If anyone can think of a more creative translation for 闘蛇衆, be my guest.

NEXT LINE: 母が闘蛇の世話《せわ》をしにいくときは、水汲《みずく》みをしていて縫《ぬ》い物《もの》をしていても、途中《とちゅう》でほっぽって、必ずくっついていった。

[Jembru]

Bokusenou: I agree! These threads are so much fun. This story in particular, I think is tough enough to give even advanced members a bit of a challenge. For me, it's super hard, but it's a great way to get my reading comprehension up to speed. I'll definitely make more of an effort not to let these threads collect dust. However, when I am busy with other things and have let this slide, just take the next line and that should encourage me to come back. It may even just be that I couldn't manage the line and wanted to leave it for some one else, or come back to it another time.

Actually, I think you were spot on in translating with 'touda-folk'. This seems in perfect keeping with the world the author is trying to create. Really, a very good translation.

You know, for me, I actually do feel I come by expressions where 腕 represents skill, quite a lot. But maybe that's because of JP watching anime like Yugioh and Pokemon? Also, it's the kind of thing people say in the pokemon game when they challenge you to a duel. Although admittedly, I'm yet to come across that specific expression.

Anyway, thanks for showing mercy and leaving me with an easier line. Although I don't blame you for wanting to take a harder line. Even as I posted it for the next person, I thought one about the fathers wasn't very challenging. I think it should be an unwritten rule then, that we're allowed to take more than one, if the next line looks exciting and we fancy having a bash at it ourselves!

Okay, lets see what you've left me with...

母が闘蛇の世話をしにいくときは、水汲みをしていて縫い物をしていても、途中でほっぽって、必ずくっついていった.

Eeek.. well look at the time, I'm super busy, bye..





... ah okay, I'll have a go at it.

母が闘蛇の世話をしにいくときは、水汲みをしていて縫い物をしていても、途中でほっぽって、必ずくっついていった。
When she went to take care of the touda, without fail, she would stop off along the way to collect water and even do some sewing repairs.

Wait, the next 2 lines are easy ones this time. I'll take the next one, so you don't have to do 3 at once (or maybe someone else might want to have a go at the next line?).

母がやるように、闘蛇の鱗《うろこ》に触《ふ》れてみたくてたまらないけれど、母は絶対にだめだと言う。
It was hard to resist touching the touda's scales the way my mum did, but she told me I absolutely mustn't do that.

NEXT LINE: ──闘蛇《とうだ》は恐《おそ》ろしい生き物なのよ。

[Bokusenou]

Jembru Ah, sorry. It was still shorter than my second line...

Actually, I think you were spot on in translating with 'touda-folk'. This seems in perfect keeping with the world the author is trying to create. Really, a very good translation

Really? OK, I guess I'll keep translating that way then.

You know, for me, I actually do feel I come by expressions where 腕 represents skill, quite a lot. But maybe that's because of JP watching anime like Yugioh and Pokemon? Also, it's the kind of thing people say in the pokemon game when they challenge you to a duel. Although admittedly, I'm yet to come across that specific expression.

Hmm, interesting.

Anyway, thanks for showing mercy and leaving me with an easier line. Although I don't blame you for wanting to take a harder line. Even as I posted it for the next person, I thought one about the fathers wasn't very challenging. I think it should be an unwritten rule then, that we're allowed to take more than one, if the next line looks exciting and we fancy having a bash at it ourselves!

Good idea! I updated the rules from "a sentence" "at least one sentence".


──闘蛇《とうだ》は恐《おそ》ろしい生き物なのよ。
"Touda are fearsome creatures, you know!"

おまえが近づけば、その気配《けはい》を感じて鎌首《かまくび》をもたげ、ひと口で、おまえの頭から腹まで噛《か》み裂《さ》いて、のみこんでしまうわ。
"If you dare get close, they'll sense it, they'll raise their neck, tear you apart from head to belly, and then gulp you down in one bite."

[Chocopie]

Hi! I just found this place today and it looks like fun!

岩房《がんぼう》の深く暗い溜《た》め池《いけ》の水面をうねらせながら泳ぐ、巨大な蛇《へび》を見つめながら、母は平淡《へいたん》な声で言った。
Making ripples on the surface of the cave's deep, dark pool as she swam, Erin's mother spoke in a level voice while watching the great serpents.

──おまえは、わたしが闘蛇に触《ふ》れるのを見慣《みな》れているから、つい気楽に考えてしまうのだろうけれど、絶対に勘違《かんちが》いしてはいけないよ。
"You're used to seeing me touch the touda so it's easy to think lightly of it, but you mustn't be under any illusions."

[Bokusenou]

Jan 25, 2014 22:53:58 GMT Chocopie said:

Hi! I just found this place today and it looks like fun!

岩房《がんぼう》の深く暗い溜《た》め池《いけ》の水面をうねらせながら泳ぐ、巨大な蛇《へび》を見つめながら、母は平淡《へいたん》な声で言った。
Making ripples on the surface of the cave's deep, dark pool as she swam, Erin's mother spoke in a level voice while watching the great serpents.

──おまえは、わたしが闘蛇に触《ふ》れるのを見慣《みな》れているから、つい気楽に考えてしまうのだろうけれど、絶対に勘違《かんちが》いしてはいけないよ。
"You're used to seeing me touch the touda so it's easy to think lightly of it, but you mustn't be under any illusions."

Welcome to the forum! 日本語はうまいですね!



The next line is pretty easy, so I think I'll leave it for the next person.

NEXT LINE: 闘蛇《とうだ》は、けっして人に馴《な》れない。

Also, I found a nice scanned version of the book, so the images should be clearer from now on!

[Jembru]

Yeah, I think I'll bow out of the next one just for now. I'll try to stick to my old rule of posting just once in a 24 hr period. Otherwise, I think just between us. we'd burn through a page in a day if we could ^^.

Welcome Chocopie. It's good to have someone else join in. I hope you join us as a member too when you get a chance. It's a fun little forum!

Just one thing. Wouldn't 'fearsome' be a better translation for 恐ろしい in this case? Just because her mum isn't just saying they're scary, but there's a very real danger that they could strike. Mybe fearsome carries this meaning a little better? What do you think?

[Bokusenou]

I know what you mean...These threads are addicting. XD I might follow that rule too.

Hmm, yeah maybe that would convey that they are dangerous better. I'll go change it then^^